Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
