god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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