My liver just broke up with me...
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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