if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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