I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I can't put those talents on a resume
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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