So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I would ride that face into the sunset
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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