Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
