Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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