Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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