I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
