I feel like abortions should bother me more
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
