I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Randomize
