is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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