Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize