I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
