Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
