whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
