i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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