Just mADE A PArabola og urine
birth control should be required to get into college
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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