I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
