i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
