I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
