Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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