This girl is more easily done than said...
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize