Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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