I just saw a hot homeless man
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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