I think I won the penis lottery.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
