So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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