Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
