I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
