So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
