woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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