I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
