i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
