i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
