Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
how does that bad decision feel?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
