the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
