If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
