Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
