It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
