First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
