Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
