he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
