It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
