Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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