I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
