these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
