I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize