you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
