She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
