Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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