My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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