i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
