thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
