Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
