I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
