i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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