grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Randomize
