DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I can text with my tongue
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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