You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
