Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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