It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize