I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
