I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Randomize
