we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he thought i was a dude.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
