Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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