I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize