you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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