my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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