In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Found your dick twin last night
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
