The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
