he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
