Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
