I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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