I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
People in love make me want to vomit
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
